Quotes.......................................

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Don't you have work to do?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Don't you?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Right, Right

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Dr. Temperance Brennan: [said frequently, whenever confronted with pop culture references] I don't know what that means.

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Random People: [frequently after Dr. Brennan's comments] Where did you find her?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: In the museum.

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Dr. Jack Hodgins: [after figuring something important out] King of the lab!

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Angela Montenegro: Things in a toilet bowel should not move.

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Special Agent Seeley Booth: Nice hat, huh. Come on, I'll take you back to the lab.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: What happened with your RECO bust?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Looks at her] Nothing. Why?
[laughs shortly]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Have you been talking to Cam?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: No. Did you do something wrong?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Defensively] "What do you mean?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Well you didn't get the credit you deserved. What did you do?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Life is not always about credit.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Well, that's not what you said before. You said life was all about credit and that you were going to Hawaii and they were going to put you on a coin...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Alright, let's just forget about, ok Bones? Forget about it.
[Walks away]
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Jared warned me that you tend to sabotage yourself.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Sarcastically] *Jared* said that?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Mm-hmm. He said that you're afraid of success.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Angry] Hm. So basically, I'm a loser.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: No, he never said the word loser.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Walks up to her] Do you think I'm a loser? Like that guy in there? Some clown in some dumbass uniform who basically can't do anything better? Is *that* what you think?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Well, anthropologically, males tend to rank themselves into a hierarchy. There is no shame in not being at the top of the hierarchy.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Furious] You're not answering the question, Bones. Answer *my* question.
[They stare at each other. Phone rings after a tense silence. He doesn't take his eyes off her and picks up his phone]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Booth.

the moment he's born]
Mikey: Put me back in! Put me back in!

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Mollie: I'm a very understanding person, Albert. I understand that you are going through a selfish phase. And, I'm sure that you will understand that I am going through a destructive phase.

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Mollie: I was artificially inseminated.
James: Are you a lesbo?

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James: Okay, if you're the father then maybe you can answer me these questions. What's Mikey's favorite cereal?
Albert: I don't know.
James: Cheerios. How many diapers does he go through a day? About six. Who's his favorite rock star? Michael Jackson. Don't you think a father should know some of these things?
Albert: Okay how much is she paying you? 5 dollars an hour?
[Gives James a 20]
Albert: Here go play some video games.
James: Don't give me that Sh*t.
[They start fighting]

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James: Mind if I borrow some of this?
[takes Mikey's bottle and pours the milk into his coffee cup]
James: Thank a lot, man.
[drinks coffee]
Mollie: Hey, you know, that's breast milk.
James: [spits out coffee] Really, now?
[turns to Mikey]
James: Why didn't you tell me?
Mikey: Hey, man, you're on your own.

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Mollie: I look like a Russ Meyer movie!

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James: Whoa! You really got your figure back, didn't you?
Mollie: This is not my figure!
James: Well then, you got Dolly Parton's figure back!

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James: You don't look so hot.
Mollie: Why don't you try squeezing something the size of a watermelon out of an opening the size of a lemon and see how hot YOU look?
James: Ouch! Guess I'd better call my mother more often!

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James: Are you thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?
Mikey: Yeah. Lunch!

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Mollie: Don't touch me! I'm going to have this baby without you touching me!

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Albert: I know this may be hard to understand, but I'm going through a selfish phase right now.
Mollie: A selfish phase?
Albert: I admit the timing is bad.

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Albert: He has my eyes.
Mollie: I know he does. You don't know how confusing it is when someone you love so much looks like someone you hate.

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Mollie: That's it! You have some exotic baby disease, and I look like I could play the lead in "Night of the Living Dead", and your father deserted us so that he could pork his interior decorator. I think you can safely say that it can't get any worse.
Rosie: [coming through the front door] Hello-o!
Mollie: I was wrong.

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Rosie: What?
Mollie: Ma, I thought you'd be happy.
Rosie: How could you do such a thing?
Mollie: It was easy. I went to the clinic and got some frozen sperm. I brought it home, defrosted it, inserted it, and... and I'm pregnant.
Rosie: So that's it? Now you and the frozen pop are having a baby.
Mollie: Ma, it's not a frozen pop.
Rosie: It's not a husband. (Looks at her husband). Louie, you hear this?
Mollie: Ma, you were the one who told me that I could control my life, and I made a decision. I want to have a baby.
Rosie: I don't understand this. This is the kind of thing a girl does if she's very ugly or a lesbian. This is not the act of a beautiful, intelligent girl who can have any man she wants.
Mollie: Ma, you never liked any of my boyfriends anyway.
Rosie: Where did the sperm come from? I mean, who's the supplier?
Mollie: A medical student.
Rosie: And?
Mollie: He goes to Colombia. His parents live on the island. His father's in piece goods, his mother works for a cosmetics firm. Ma, she'd get you a great discount.
Rosie: So you're making fun of me, huh? You'll see. Someday, you'll have children.

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Mollie: Where are the parachutes?
James: Parachutes? There are no parachutes.
Mollie: No parachutes? Didn't you ever see 'Sweet Dreams'? 'The Buddy Holly Story'? 'La Bamba'?
James: There's a big difference. They're, like, rock legends, and we're not.

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Mollie: I'm sorry that I made you wear that stupid outfit, and I'm sorry that you had to meet that MEAN MAN. You'll never have to see him again. You know what I don't get? Every time I take you somewhere, everyone says how cute you are, and how crazy they are about you?
Mikey: Naturally.
Mollie: Then, the one person who has the genetic bondage treats you like a jerk. Here, let me dry it now. Everyone loves you. All the kids at the playground love you, Ma loves you, Rona loves you, everybody at work loves you, James loves you... Mikey, do you love James?
[Mikey picks up a toy telephone]
Mikey: Give him a call.
Mollie: What, honey? You want to play telephone?
Mikey: Call him.

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[immediately after being born]
Mikey: This has got to be the weirdest day of my life... well, so far.

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Mollie: So you're the one who was kicking me.
Mikey: Well, you're the one who ate all that spicy food.

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Mollie: Look at all those daddies down there. They're making goofball faces and taking pictures of their babies.
[Looks at Mikey]
Mollie: . Well, you won't find your father here. I really messed things up for you. I don't want you to be upset, because I'm going to go out there and find you a daddy, and this time I'm going to be smart about it. I'm not going to go for some handsome guy just because I'm in love with him. You're the only thing that matters to me, and I'm going to go out there and I'm going to get you the best daddy there is.

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Mikey: I don't get it. I just don't get it. And, I don't like it. Where'd I go wrong?

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James: It's weird, isn't it? You spend the first nine months trying to get out and the rest of your life trying to get back in.

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Secretary: Is he yours?
James: Yeah, but they don't know who the real mother is yet.

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[Mikey says Daddy]
James: He- he said Daddy!
Mollie: I think he called you Daddy.
Mikey: [sarcastically] No, I'm talking to hear myself say it!

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Mollie: I think you should try some of that Nobel Prize winner sperm.
Rona: Get outta here. Nobel Prize winners ejaculating in jars?
Mollie: Well, give it a shot. Don't you want a smart baby?
Rona: That's all I need. A baby telling me what an IDIOT I am. Like I don't get enough of that at work?

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[Molly's dream]
Albert: Beth has finally agreed to a divorce. Oh, Mollie I'm so glad you waited.
Mollie: [greatly aged] I knew that if I was patient, this day would come.

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Mollie: Ma, what would you have done if Daddy was married when you first met him?
Rosie: I wouldn't have fallen in love.
Mollie: Well, you can't control who you fall in love with.
Rosie: Why not?
Mollie: You just can't!
Rosie: Listen. Listen, take your father here. What's his favorite food?
Together: Cheesecake.
Rosie: What did Dr. Slocum tell him?
Mollie: Cut back on cholesterol.
Rosie: So, now he doesn't eat cheesecake. It's the same exact thing.

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Mollie: Aw, I look like a big fat pilgrim.

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Mollie: I'm so lucky. I can't believe I managed to find a nice, handsome family man.
Rona: Yeah, except it's someone else's family.

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Mollie: Remember how Albert's shrink said that Beth would never get better as long as he kept seeing me?
Rona: Yeah, a million times.
Mollie: Well, he's decided to leave her.
Rona: Albert's leaving his wife?
Mollie: No, he's leaving his shrink. And that's really a good thing, because she was really starting to become an obstacle with us.

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James: Look, you gotta use Lamaze. It works. My sister-in-law used it. You don't use drugs, and it's better for the kid.
Mollie: You know, the only people who say stupid things like that are men, because they're idiots!

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Mollie: Hey, slow down! The first stages of labor can take hours!
James: Yeah, so can the mid-town traffic!

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Mollie: Rona, if there wasn't such a thing as love, what kind of guy would you get to be your kid's father?
Rona: Someone with a small mouth and good hair. Broad shoulders...
Mollie: No, no, I'm talking about, what kind of a man would you want to stick around and help raise your child?
Rona: There's a man who'd do that?

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Mikey: Help! Help! Somebody burp me before I blow up!

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James: [returning her purse] You never look through that thing, do you?
Mollie: Why do you say that?
James: 'Cause you're still carrying around your diaphragm.

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Mollie: Screwing with the mail is a federal offense.
James: Stealing mail's a federal offense, not screwing with it.

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James: I teach.
Mollie: What do you teach? Taxi Driver's Ed?

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Mollie: Don't smoke that around my baby! Don't you know there's a sixty-two percent higher rate of getting cancer for non-smokers who live with smokers?
James: What are you trying to say? You don't want me to move in yet, or what?

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Mikey: [gazing at Carrie's chest] Wait a minute. These things come in different sizes? What are these, jumbos?

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Mollie: All right, I know what I'm looking for. I'm looking for a guy who's not married, not into drugs, not an alcoholic, not a deadbeat, but not somebody that works twenty hours a day.
Rona: And cute.
Mollie: Cute is not a consideration.

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Mollie: Dr. Spock does not just want to sell a book! Dr. Spock loves us. During the Vietnam War, Dr. Spock was out protesting in the streets!
James: God, I'm sorry I said anything about Dr. Spock, okay.
[to Mikey]
James: I can't believe she's getting that upset about a Vulcan. Big ears, no emotions, right?

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Mollie: [on phone] I'd like to report a missing baby. I mean, I don't actually know if he's missing. Maybe he was kidnapped. Or maybe he's just with a person who is a *complete* idiot.

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Mikey: Is that a new hat, or is it time to change the bandage?

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[Molly learns to fly]
Mollie: Oh, what a good sensation!
James: It's like great sex, isn't it?
Mollie: I personally wouldn't remember.

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Accountant Date: By the way, I have to ask you this. Have you ever had a barium enema?

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Mikey: How many babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Sand Box Baby: How many?
Mikey: What's a light bulb?
[both burst out laughing]

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Mollie: If we ever got back together I'm afraid I would have to torture you for the rest of your life.
Albert: Oh, that's okay. I want you to.

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James: Oh, baby, I have myself a hot date tonight.
Mollie: You better call your hot date, because I don't know how late I'm going to be.
James: [snorts] Oh, yeah, right. You're going out with an accountant, right?
Mollie: Yes.
James: Nine-thirty, tops.
Mollie: Don't count on it.

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Mollie: I don't know who I love. And you know something, it doesn't make any difference, because the only thing that matters to me is who's best for Mikey. And Albert is successful, he's responsible, and he's real good to his *other* kids.
James: I've seen you. I've seen you use Mikey to push other guys away, and now you're doing it to me! That's it! I've had it! Now get out!
Mollie: I live here!
James: I know it!
[pauses, then slams out the door]
Mollie: You get everything for free. Free long distance phone calls, free lunches. I think you're sort of a scam artist.
James: I know. I got the town wired, don't I? Baby, think about it. If we were poor, we could still live like kings.

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James: Hey, Gerber Face, high five!

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Mollie: You spent forty years with a man who looked good in a uniform? Ma, you had no idea if he was a mature, responsible person!
Rosie: If I thought like that, we wouldn't have gotten through the first week. And that was some week!

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James: She called me a big kid. Yeah. She's probably right, too. I mean, you're one year old and probably my best friend in the world.

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James: I think being a good father is keeping the mother happy so she doesn't drive the kids crazy.

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Albert: [sees Mikey making a face] Is he taking a dump?
Mollie: No, he's thinking real hard!

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[James and Molly kiss]
Mikey: Boy, I hope they don't get stuck together like that.

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[Mollie has gone into labor, and is trying to get a cab to the hospital]
Mollie: Excuse me, I'm in labor.
Cab Stealer: I was here first!

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Albert: I've raised my kids.
Mollie: Raised them? They're 11 and 9. Don't tell me they've moved out and gotten jobs already!

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[Grandpa, in a rare moment of clarity]
Grandpa: [to Molly] Of all my daughter-in-laws, you're my favorite. You're smart and you're a good person. That's why Jimmy loves you so much.

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Mollie: Slow down with your breathing f*** MY BREATHING

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Albert: Do you have a picture of Mickey?
[she is impatient at Albert getting their son's name wrong more than once]
Mollie: MIKEY!

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Mollie: Grandpa, did you eat all these candy bars?
Grandpa: What candy? The bastards *stole* my candy!

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Mollie: Grandpa, what's going on?
Grandpa: Look, I'm a hostage.
Burly Orderly: He's not a hostage. He's a *mean* old bastard! You see what he did to my arm? And he gave the nurse a black eye!

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Mollie: [Albert is feeling up Mollie's leg] Al-Albert, stop. Albert, I can't do this anymore.
Albert: Mollie, I love you, and you love me. I know you do.
Mollie: Of course I love you, Albert. You're a wonderful father. You're great in bed, and you're my biggest account. But you're married. And I will never fall in love with anyone else as long as I'm seeing you, so think you should just work with a different accountant.

ah!
i love all of the NCIS ones!
lolz...
vera happy now that i actually get it. : )